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Re: Nutrition Facts on a Cup of Good Cheer
black balloons pop splattering sin all over this D-day parade, where we march, skulls on baton heads, our bloodshot eyes begging "heavenly light, fall down on me." Trapped between two ...
Dec 12, 2006 -
Re: Moon
I’ve never felt as warm As I do now First, this isn't very good. It's a cliche, and just a turn-off as an opener. And never been so warmed Secondly, ...
Dec 10, 2006 -
Re: Eat Your Vegetables
The artist scuplts her a set of cherub lips, two handfuls of breasts and twists her locks with gritted stone. He sets her in a garden; a fountain splashing ghosts ...
Dec 8, 2006 -
Re: Eraser Shavings
Don't even bother.. Maggots fed the hollows in my heart, writhing to the strumming acoustics that resonate from your melody. Bereft of those late nights, those drunk second-rate nights, I ...
Dec 7, 2006 -
Re: hay swain
Hey nonny nonny yea, you're a beautiful writer. And uh.. Penny Lane? Big fan.
Dec 7, 2006 -
Re: In Memory of Kelsey
My friend died. She was beautiful. I'll remember her forever. Oh please, this girl was getting stoned on my couch every day, run down in her boyfriend's boxers, burning through ...
Dec 5, 2006 -
Re: Years Race By
You overuse excess imagery, especially in the first stanza, and I don't think it helps the poem at all but just makes it thicker to wade through.
Dec 3, 2006 -
Re: Elf Son
I was suggesting that you go through and simply click "enter" so that after every paragraph or line break (such as in dialouge) there is an extra space inbetween. Survey ...
Dec 3, 2006 -
Re: Revised Addiction
First off, "And I'm faking" is an awkward line, it's not needed, and in my opinion, it should be chopped out of every stanza. The make up , it stains ...
Dec 3, 2006 -
Re: Elf Son
Double space the paragraphs.
Dec 3, 2006 -
Re: Gorgotten
Check your spelling. "field of nothingness" does nothing for you, and creativity is vital in the shortest of poems. L2 should be followed up with a comma. "Disappear" looks just ...
Dec 3, 2006 -
Re: Armageddon
THE SIXTH REIGN OF MYSTIC Empress The beer was warm. Aloisio wrinkled his nose and set the mug down on the counter. Two perfect eyes lay low, his head perfectly ...
Dec 2, 2006 -
Re: Before I Rip your Clothes off
You come to me in search of passion. I run through slideshow clips, flashing screaming rain, bleeding ballerinas and opera-war on the backs of your retinas. Blinking them away, these ...
Dec 2, 2006 -
Re: Minha Culpa
These decadent days run a thick river through the westside of this town. We account bottlecaps and soda taps, to make a ledger of how much we drink of our ...
Nov 29, 2006 -
Re: Thanksgiving
thieves driving big trucks This isn't really needed. Well-composed, and, although it was predictable, I enjoyed it. Not much to say here, so I'll leave it blank for now. If ...
Nov 27, 2006
